BOP murders and 'P'
Media in Rehab for P Addiction
by Our Special Correspondent
The nation's leading news source, Major Media, has voluntarily entered a rehabilitation centre for addiction to sensational stories about P.
Ending weeks of speculation, Media announced it was undergoing voluntary treatment for an addiction which it described as "out of control."
In this exclusive interview, Media tells how its occasional experimentation turned into an all-consuming obsession.
"I started doing a quarter-page P story maybe once a week, usually on weekends, but before I knew it I was doing double-page spreads every couple of days.
"You have to understand - the stories were a rush. Violence, degradation, broken families, teenage prostitutes, huge profits, indignant politicians, tough-talking cops - it's all there, wrapped up in the most intoxicating package. And all you have to do is - just do it. It makes you feel like a god."
As Media became more obsessed with P stories, it found that other drug stories didn't generate a buzz any more.
"Reefer madness stories just didn't do it for me like they used to. Nine-year-olds running tinnie houses - who cares?
"At one time, I'd do a good tinnie house story and my drug-war hysteria cravings were satisfied for a while. But P stories - you just can't get enough of them."
Media's insatiable craving for P stories even led it to re-use the most sensational stories with only minor changes, repackaging them as new developments in the P saga.
"You have to understand, a lot of the power of P stories comes from the letter P itself. It's a powerful letter of the alphabet. It's got a strong shape, it's in a lot of words, it's easy to remember, and it has a lot of meaningful associations for the general public. And it really stands out in a headline.
"Another thing about P - it's so much easier to type than 'methamphetamine'. Methamphetamine is way too long, you can't put it in a headline, you get those awkward line breaks with it and you never know where to put the hyphen. You don't get any of that with P - just the pure sensationalism."
Major Media's appetite for P stories escalated to the point where its erratic behavior began to attract attention. "Every violent crime that came along, I'd turn it into a P story. I'd wake up in the middle of the night wanting a shot of a woman with her back to the camera, and I couldn't put the paper to bed until I had it."
Media had a few words of warning for its fellow media channels. "You might think you can control P stories, but before you know it, they're controlling you."